1^ 



1534 

154 B6 

>py ^ -lOOL AND SOCIAL DRAMA 



'-A-ct T77-ell yo-CLT part. 



Borrowing TrouMe. 



7. ^. pENISOJN 



:FI^xaDE is geistts. 





CHICAGO: 




T. S. DENISON 

1S7S. 


1 NO 

1 


PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



T. S. DENISON'S CATALOGUE OF 

NEW PLAYS, 

FOR SCHOOLS and AMATEURS 
1878. 



Tliesc phiys have been prepared expressly to meet the '.vants of teachers 
and amateur cMubs. Tliey are simple in construction, and require no scenery, 
or such as is usually at hand. They afford room for " «<://;/.»•." They hyc pure 
in tone and langitaoe. The six first on the list were before the public last 
vear, and met with a very favorable reception. 

"If the succeeding' numbers are as good as the first, we predict for them 
a large demand." — National Teachers' Monthly, N. Y. and Chicajro. 

"These plays appear to be full of fun and to teach many good lessons with- 
al." — Wis. "Jour, of Education. 

"The farces are full of fun." — Daily Inter-Ocean, Chicao-o. 

"These plays are realizing the dearth of good literature in this department." 
- A', r. School Bulletin. 

ODDS WITH THE ENEMY. 

A drama in five acts; 7 male and \ female characters. Time i ho\u- 50 min. 
Contains a good humorous negro character. 

•• It took splendidly. 'Tahbs' made it spicy." — C. E. Rooers, Dunkirk, liid. 

SETH GREENBACK. 

A drama in four acts; 7 male and .5 female characters. Tine i hour 15 m. 

" 'Seth Greenback ' has one very good Irish comic character, and some 
patlu'tic and telling situations. The plot is simple and dramatic, and culmin- 
ates well."'-/^r:v7 Normal Monthlv. 

WANTED, A CORRESPONDENT. j 

A farce in two acts, 4 male and \ female characters. Time .^5 m. \'er\- 1 
interesting and amusing. 

INITIATING A GRANGER. | 

A ludicrous farce; S male characters. Time, 25 m. \ 

• • 'Initiating a Granger' brought down the house." — y. L. Sharp, Burlinffton \ 

THE SPARKLING CUP. I 

A temperance dr, una in five acts; 12 male and 4 female characters. Time, j 
I hour 45 m. A thrilling play, worthy Ihe best efforts of amateurs. Pathetic song 

and death scene. I 

" It is just the thing for dramatic clubs." — The A vvil, Washington, D. C. j 



BORROWING TROUBLE 



-A. I^-u^IESOE 



BY 



T. S. DENISON, 



Author of Odds with the Enemy; The Sparkling Cup; Seth Greenback. 

Louva^ the Pauper ; Wanted, A Correspondent; Initiating a Granger ; 

A Family Strike ; The Assessor ; Hans Von Smash ; 

Two Ghosts in While; The Pull- Back; 

Country Justice ; etc. 



CHICAGO: ^^S^s^^^jj^^rl;!-^ 

1878. 

Copyright, 1878, b,v T. S. Denlson, 



^^-#^^ 



CHARACTERS. 



Mr. Borrow. 

Mrs. Borrow. 

Miss Sophy Borrow. 

Mrs. Mehitablk March. 
Mrs. Wiggins. 

LiNA. 

Detective Spotem. 
Dr. Drench. 



COSTUMES. 



Any clothing suited to the social standing of the 
character. 



SITUATIONS. 



R means right as the actor faces the audience; Z, 
leit; G, center. 



Steam Press of 
Cushing, Thomas & Co., 170 Clark St. 



BORROV/ING TROUBLE. 



Scene. — Lodgiyigs in tenement house. Room rather cheaply fur- 
nished^ -with attempt at display. Table and chairs. Sofa rear. 
Ovei'coat visible hanging on -wall. 

Mrs. W. {Pacing floor.) Well, I never did see in all mj days 
the like of these Borrows. I've been a vv^idow twenty long years, 
and have kept lodgers for fifteen of that time, and the likes of 
them never before set foot in my house. {Picks up a shawl.) I 
declare, if there isn't Mrs. Wait's shawl. Mrs. Borrow got the 
loan of that two weeks ago, just to wear that day, as she said, and 
here she's kept it ever since. And if here is n't my Jack's shoe 
brush that Mr. Borrow got a month ago, and the boy thought it 
was lost ever since. {Takes shoe brush.) Well, really, I suppose 
they've borrowed every last thing they have, so I'd better look 
out for my rent and not wait any longer for that little remittance. 
Goodness knows! why dont they board instead of keeping house. 
They've borrowed enough of me to keep a small family. First, 
it is a cup of sugar, next a pint of milk, then a half dozen eggs. 
And, strange to say, they never think of returning them. 

Elder L. Detective Spotem. 

Spotem. Good day. Madam ! Are these the lodgings of Mr. 
Borrow.-* 

Mrs. W. They are, sir. 

Spotem. Have I the honor of addressing Mrs. Borrow? 

Mrs. W. Oh, no sir. I am Mrs. Wiggins, who owns this 
building and lets rooms to married or single persons. Do you 
wish rooms, sir.^* 

Spotem. No, Madam. My business is with Mr. Borrow. 
Could you inform me where he can be seen.? 

Mrs. W. I think the family have gone out. I can ascertain 
definitely by askmg their servant. {Exit P.) 

Spotem. Now Mr. Borrow, I've got you. In spite of your cun- 
ning and your assumed names, you can't escape me this time. 
You may be out, but you'll reiurn. {Looks around the room; sees 
overcoat on -wall.) Ha! the very proof I wanted. That is the 
overcoat I've been shadowing all last spring. So I've run into 
your den at last, and before two hours you and your counterfeit 
money will both be mine. {Chuckles qutetly.) Well you've 
manged this pretty cute, old Spotem. You have, for a fact, 
and the whole country will be ablaze with your fame. It was 



174 BORROWING TROUBLE. 

lucky I didn't share this case with any one. It will make my 
fortune, and the name of Detective Spotem will soon be on every- 
body's tongue. People will say, " He's a sly fox," " Sharp as a 
steel trap," etc. 

Enter Mrs. IV., R. 

Mrs. W. The family have gone, sir, lor a walk, Will you 
leave any word? , 

Spotem. No! I will call again shortly. Good day, Madam! 
{Exit L.) 

Mrs. W. Now what does he want, I wonder.? These strangers 
who take rooms, have so many callers that one never can find out 
anything about. 

Enter Lin A, R« 

Mrs. W. Lina, who was that gentleman that just passed down 
stairs.-* 

Lina. Don't know, Missa. 

Mrs. W. Your master has a great many friends, has n't he, 
Lina,? 

Lina. If he hn-s, dah 's a good many of dem not berry good 
ones. 

Mrs. TV. Why, Lina.? 

Lfna. Case good friends gives to each other, but Massa's 
friends don't give him anything, so he's 'bliged to borry nearly 
everything he buys for family use. It was an awful trouble last 
place I was at to cook de wittles, but it's a mighty heap bigger 
job here to get a meal ready, 'case I has to dorry de eatables fust 
an' cook 'em arterward. An' then Massa and Missa worrits so if 
de wittles ain't good, an' folks don't lend 'em de dest. 

Mrs. TV. Do they scold or ill treat you? 

Lina. Law save you no! They're the resignedst folks you 
ever seen, as Missa has said a thousan' times. Why one day 
Massa worritted so he couldn't eat, 'case one of de eggs I borried 
wasn't prezactly fresh. It got broke into de skillet fore I knowed 
an' spiled de dish, for de family leastways. I pitied him, I did, I 
could jest crammed de eggs down the throat of ole Mrs. Smith 
who lent them. De idee of sendin' rotten eggs to a family of 
quality! Missa an' Miss Sophy jest grieved their eyes nearly out 
because of that disastah. De women folks are jest de most 
tenderest angels I eber seed. 

Mrs. W. {Going L.) Then you are happy here Lina, are you.? 

Lina. Happy as a tree frog in a wet day ! But I'll be awful 
glad when pay day comes. Been here a month an' hain't had a 
cent, but Massa says he expect?. permittances . 

Mrs. W. I wish he hurry and get them. What use are 
promises to a widow with a family.? {Exit L.) 

Lina. It 's a shame that as good a man has Massa hain't got 
money. He says he's the wictim of circumstances, an' I believe 
it for a fac' I do. 



BORROWING TROUBLE. 17=; 

Enter Mr. and Mrs. Borrow and Sophy, L. 

Mrs. B. {Throxving of bonnet and shawl.) Lina, have jou 
made arrangements for tea? 

Li7ia. Beg pahdon! but dah's nuffin to arrange. 

Mrs. B. Oh my! when will our remittances arrive, my dear.? 

Mr B. Not until next week I tear, love. 

Mrs. B. Lina, you must manage it somehow. Try the 
neighbors again. 

Lina. De fac' is I've tnanaged nearly all de neighbors already. 

Mrs. B. Try a new place. Have we any butter? 

Lina. No, Ma'am. 

Mrs. B. Any milk.? 

Lina. No, Missa. 

Mrs. B. Any bread.? 

Lina. Law sakes, don't you 'member there wasn't enough for 
dinner.? 

Mrs. B. Lina, run down to Mrs. Lamb's and ask her for a 
loaf. Tell her we'll return it to-morrow. 

Lina. Laws Missa we's borried two or three loaves from her, 
to say nuffin about eggs an' sugar an' coftee. 'Spose 'praps likely 
you's forgot it, but de articles haven't been returned home again. 

Mrs. B. Never mind that, Lina. Mrs. Lamb is such a good 
soul she'll let you have the loaf and say nothing about it. Ask 
Mrs. Grey for a small piece of butter, and Mrs. Wiggins will let 
you have milk. Hurry up, Lina, it is tea time. 

Mr. B. Hold a minute, Lina. Mrs. Borrow, I've told you often 
that the cares of housekeeping are too great for you; I will re- 
lieve you, in spite of yourself. I brought a can of oysters on trial, 
a new brand. The groceryman is giving- samples away at lirst to 
build up custom; wants my trade. Bring plenty of milk for a 
stew, Lina. Have yo-u salt.? 

Lina. No Sah ! 

Mr. B. Mrs. Wiggins will attend to that. Have you plenty 
of pepper.? 

Lina. Not a speck. 

Mr. B. Mrs. Wiggins isvery kind. She will manage that also. 
I must have oysters well seasoned. My stomach isn't whatit 
oncewas. Vinegar, butter! I can't gc into details. Just bring one of 
Mrs. Wiggins' castors, pepper, mustard, vinegar and all. {Exit 
Lina, L.) 

Mrs. B. Poor man! Trouble is just wearing you out! Mr. 
Brown, do sit down and rest yourself, so you may have an appe- 
tite for dinner. You know your stomach needs attention. 

Mr. B. Yes, madam, I am aware that it does. I am sorry to 
say it often needs attention that a man who is the victim of cir- 
cumstances is unable to bestow. 

Mrs.B. It's a shame that such a noble, kind-hearted man, who 
has devoted a whole life to the service of the " Society for the 
Advancement of Benevolence, Philanthropy, and Exalted Fellow- 



176 BORROWING TROUBLE. 

ship among the Jarring Elements ol Discordant Mankind," should 
be the victim of hard-hearted, relentless circumstances. I hate 
circumstances. They are the bar to all true progress! {Entet- 
Liiia^ iv it h castor^ loaf of bread and pitcher of milk. She proceeds 
to set table, R C.) 

Mr. B. A verj true observation, my dear, which we toilers 
for the benefit of mankind have painful occasion to verify. 

Mrs.B. Sophy, will you prepare your Pa's tonic.'' He must 
have an appetizer, 30U know. Here is the physician's prescrip- 
tion. [Reads.) " Whisky, gin and water, one-half oz each. Add 
sugar and flavoring to taste. Take before meals." 

Sophy- [In vihicmg., affected voice) Oh my, don't trouble me 
with such affairs. They properly belong to the servant, and you 
know the fumes of those horrid drugs affect my eyes. 

Mrs. B. So they do, my dear. I quite forgot that. I will pre- 
pare the medicine myself. Your Pa must have his tonic. His 
appetite is not what it once was. 

Mr. B. Quite true! Quite true! Indeed I think sometimes it 
is better that it is not so good. One might be tempted too far in 
the way of lu\iu-ies, and people working for the good of mankind 
set an example whether they will or not. They should be care- 
ful and above all avoid luxuries. {Mrs. B. enters kitchen /v*, and gets 
materials for Mr. B's '' tonic. ^') 

Sophy. Why Papa, our example is quite good, isn't it.? 

Mr. B. Certainly my child ! 

Sophy. I aid not dance at Mrs. Flighty 's grand ball just on 
that account. I thought of our circumstances and the cause yon 
have devoted us to, and that nerved me to the sacrifice. {Languishes 
on sofa.) 

Mr. B. You did very right my child to abstain frorn dancing. 
Had you participated in the vanities of the dance it would have 
been a constant reproach to your poor Pa in his society work. 
( Mrs. B, enters with tonic) Ah! that is very inspiring. [Smacks his 
lips.) Just the thing for a weak stomach! 

Enter Mrs. Mehitable March. 

Mrs. M. Oh howdy ! I'm so 'fraid I'm intruding. {Rushes up 
to Mrs. B. a?id kisses her.) 

Mrs. B. Not at all ; we're so glad to see you ! 

Mrs. M. How are you, Miss Borrow? Are you well, Mr. 
Borrow.^ {Shakes hands -with him.) 

Mr. B. Very well thank you ! This visit is indeed as pleasant 
as unexpected. 

Airs. M. {Mrs. M. always speaks as fast as possible without indis- 
tinctness.) Mr. Borrow, you don't know how I feel for you. Mrs. 
Borrow, it does me just as much good to know that he is well as 
to know that Ephraim is well, or to feel well myself. His loss 
would be a loss to humanity. 

Sophy. {Aside) That old fright has just stopped for her 
supper. 



BORROWING TROUBLE. 177 

Mrs. M. [Taking of bonnet and s/iatul.) I didn't think of stop- 
ping any time; but you are so cozy here really I must. You are 
so kind I have n't the heart to leave without chatting a while, 
you will please take my things, Miss Sophy. i^Sofhy drofs bonnet 
and shaivl on the -floor at the end of the so/a.) 

Lina. {Aside' to Mrs. B.) Missa, dah ain't nigh likes enuff 
wittles for company. 

Mrs. B. {Aside.) I wont ask her to tea. She shan't have it. 
Mrs. M. I dont visit much, and I dont call on everybody. Dear 
me! I don't like to say much about such things, but ever since 
Mrs. Wilson eloped and left her husband, I don't know who to 
trust. Since we moved up town we've been gitting sorter j^lect. 
Ephraim says we're too jiflect. Only this morning, at breakfast 
table, he said, "Mehitable, why don't you call on the Borrows.?" 
An' savs I, I will. So I just run in this afternoon to chat a min- 
ute, it does me good to hear Mr. Borrow talk. I heard him lec- 
ture once. 

Mr.B. Ah! Indeed? 
Mrs. M. The sentiments he expressed was very beautiful. Mrs. 
Borrow, you've got a mighty smart man, I tell you. 
Mrs. B. {Coldly.) I was aware of that long ago. 
Mrs. M. {Glances at table.) I just said to Ephraim this 
morning that I would run in an' hear that man talk. Its as good 
as stump speaking any day, or a circus, for that matter. (Mr. B. 
fidgets nervously. Mrs. M. glances at the table.) 

Mrs. B. { With offended atr.) Of the merits of a circus / can 
not speak. We do not attend circuses. 
Mrs.M. Land sake now! do tell! 

Mrs. B. I did attend a circus once., a very long time ago. While 
doubtless entertaining to many, I did not find the performance of 
the kind calculated to satisfy the longings of a man with aspir- 
ations to accomplish high, moral and philanthrophic purposes. 

Mrs. M. Well I do ^ay ! Your ideas are so original, I never 
thought of that. Dear me! I heard to-day that Mrs. Jenkins and 
her husband quarrel dreadful, and they've not been married a 
month ! 

Mrs. B. I dare say ! I thought as much. 

Mrs. M. {Looks at table.) But did you hear about the cholera. 
They say it 's come to town at last. They say they're going to 
take off "^everybody to the hospital who takes it. It's dreadful to 
think of dy\v? in that nasty hospital ! People can't be too careful 
what they eat. I told Ephraim so to-day. Speakin' of eatin', I 
see you have the table set. Don't let your tea spoil on my 
account. I'll just sit down with you, for companj^'s sake. 

Mrs. B. {Aside.) Well I never! Mr. Borrow, tea is ready. {All 
sit to table.) You see we are quite unprepared for company. We 
have nothing but the plain repast we usually spread for own 
familv. 

Mrs. M. Now don't worry on my account, Mrs. Borrow. You 
know you've just the nicest table. Have you heard about Callie 



178 BORROWING TROUBLE. 

Brown? Don't saj anything about it, but they do say she takes 
on dreadful, because her father forbid that beau of hers from 
comin' into the house again. 

Mrs. B. It's just like him, to be so cruel. 

Mr. B. Wife, perhaps, we should add some other little delicacy, 
since we have company. 

Mrs. B. Mr. Borrow, remember your health. Don't worry 
about such trifling matters. 

Mrs. M. Goodness me! if he don't attend to domestic aflniairs 
the same as other men. Who'd 'a thought it! 

Mr. B. I consider home duties equally as sacred as those 
more important ones with which I am burdened, and the duties 
of home should be attended to whenever opportunity offers a 
minute from weightier affairs. Lina, will you step into Mrs, 
Butler's, and get one of those cans of strawberries.? Explain! 
Company you know. And if she wouldn't rAind it, a small 
matter of cake. {Exit Lina, L.) You see, Mrs. March, we are 
entirely unprepared for visitors. But it shall never be said that 
my family want for anything while / am able to provide for them. 

Mrs. M. But ain't you afraid to set sich a bountiful table when 
there's so much sickness round.? Cholera comes on awful 
sudden. They take desperate pains and turn sick in a minnit. 
An' the least thing will do it. A spoonful of fruit, or a mess of 
cucumbers. Pears like this tea tasted queer. 

Sophy. Just what I was going to say Ma! 

Mrs.B. {Tastes tea.) It has a queer taste. What can ailit.-* 

Mr. B. Perhaps it 's the milk. {Pours out milk and tastes it.) 
Mrs. Borrow, I fear there is something wrong. This milk has a 
horrible taste. 

Sophy. Ma, I'm real sick ! ( yumfs up from table.) 

Airs. M. Land 'o goodness we'll all die. I know we will. 
It's the cholera! {All Jump upjtrom the table.) 

Mrs. B. Mercy me! I teel it in my stomach! 

Mr. B. Don't be alarmed, my dear. I will watch over you, 

Mrs. B. {Groans.) Dear me, take care of yourself. Aren't 
you sick, too.? 

Mr. B. I feel the subtle poison, but even death shall not 
frighten me from my post of duty. Lina, run across the street 
for the Doctor. Call ?iilrs. Wiggins! 

Lina. Lord 'a mercy! what 's de matter? If it 's de cholerum 
we'll all be dead aibre de Doctor gets up de fust flight of de stair- 
way ! {Runs out L for Doctor^ 

Mrs. M. {Groans.) What an awful suddint case! Oh, Mr. 
Borrow, won't you take me to Ephraim.? I can't die among 
strangers, and they will take me to the hospital. {Clasps her 
hands tightly across her stofnach.) 

Sophy. Ma, I'm sinking fast! {Groans.) 

Mrs. B. We will go together, daughter. {Groans.) 

Mr. B. {Paces around j'ranttcally ; hands on Ms stomach.) Don't 
despair! I will never desert you! 



BORROWING TROUBLE. 179 

Enter L, Detective Spotem. 

Mrs. M. {Frantically.) Oh take me to Ephraim! 

Spotem. Couldn't do it, Madam. I haven't Ephraim's ad- 
dress. 

Mr. B. Who are you, sir, who come into this tenement of 
stricken humanity to mock the sufferings of your fellow man.'* 
Wnat do you want.? 

Sfotem. Well, sir, I will give you the information you seek to 
the best of my ability. I am Detective Spotem of the force and I 
want you. 

Mr. B. You want us! Then all is over! 

Soplty. Oh, Pa, don't let him take us! It would be horrid to 
die in that place. {Groajts.) 

Mrs. B. Protect us for a few brief hours more! It won't be 
long! {Groatis.) 

Mrs. M. Well goodness knows I just won't go into that 
nasty place for any policeman. Do take me to Ephraim till I can 
die in his anns. {Groans and holds her hands on her stomach 
tightly.) This pain is gettin' too awful for human perseverance! 

Sophy. It is perfectly dreadful ! 

Mrs. B. It is excrutiating. 

Mr. B. This pain is certainly very — very — {Holds his stomach 
tvith both hands.) 

Spotem. Painful, eh.'' 

Mrs. M. Oh Ephraim! Ephraim! It would rend your 
vitals if you knowed what pain your Mehitable suffers. Oh take 
me to Ephraim ! 

Spotem. Well this case is deuced singular. Have they been 
partaking too freely of green corn, or are tb.ey putting up a job 
on me? I guess it's the latter, for whole families seldom have 
trouble like this all of a sudden. {Patients all groan.) 

Mrs. M. Won't you listen to a dying woman's request and 
take me to my Ephraim.? 

Sfotem. {Looks intently at Mrs. M.) She'll live to see her 
Ephraim yet, I think. I guess they are playing it on me. Can't 
fool me, though. But it is singulai. I'll make a note of it for 
my great book entitled " Secrets of the Great Detective Agency." 
( Writes rapidly in a book) 

Mrs. B. dh, Mr. Borrow, that ofRcer is writing out a commit- 
mjent for us. {Groans.) 

Sophy. Ma, I shall faint if you mention it. 

Mr. B. Resign yourselves to fate my poor darling. We must 
go, I suppose. 

Mrs. M. {Indignantly) I -won't! Pm going to Ephraim, if I 
walk every step of the way. 

Spotem. Don't think of walking. Madam. I'll call a hack if I 
think it best for you to go at all. 

Mrs. B. Oh, don't send us! 

Sophy. It 's real mean ! 

Mrs. M. It's perfectly horrid ! {Allgroan^ 



i8o BORROWING TROUBLE. 

Spote}7i. Well, thi- beats all! Queer case! (/?<?«^j.) "Case ot 
Bonow, the counterieiter. When detective Spotem was about to 
make the arrest, the whole family of the prisoner were suddenly 
taken with violent cramps in the region of the stomach, so well 
leigned as to appear real. Ruse to gain time. One old lady, ap- 
parently a visitor, but really a shrewd accomplice, kept crying 
continually to be taken to heV Ephraim." {Patients groan.) 

Enter Doctor, Mrs. Wiggins and Lina, Z. 

Spotem. {Stepping aside to R. ) Hel lo ! What does this mean } 

Lina. Here dey is, Doctor! Here's de patienters, if dey 's not 
all clean gone dead. 

Mrs. W. Oh dear! [Writigs her hands.) Just think of it! 
Cholera in my house! It'll kill us all, and ruin my business. 

Doctor. {Examines patients, feels pulses^ bustles arouJid.) Vio- 
lent cramping pains in stomach, eh.^ 

All. Yes! yes! {Groan.) 

Doctor. Then it is the incipient stages of genuine Asiatic chol- 
era, and no mistake. It is a dangerous case, but with proper care 
I'l' try to get you all through safe. I see the patients are not yet 
reduced in strength, which is veiy favorable. {Busies, himself 
r:ith medicine case.) {Aside.) It 's lucky that I was called in. It is 
one of the first cases in tov.n. It won't make a bad item for the 
morning papers. I see there is a reporter already present. A neat 
item. ^^Ckolera. — An entire family stricken down. Doctor Drench 
called in. Under his skillful care they are doing v/ell, etc., etc." 

Mrs. M. Oh, Doctor, won't you take me to Ephraim.'' 

Doctor. Madam, do not be alarmed, skillful hands are ready to 
wait on you. {Gives each patient a draught from a colored jnixture 
in a gol'let.) 

Spotem. Well, this thing does really look serious, Doctor, can 
I be of any use.'' 

^ Doctor. Ah, reporting ! {Sees Spotem' s note book.) No, I be- 
lieve not, {Pxaises) except in a professional way; you understand. 

Spotem. But I don't understand. 

Mrs. W. Doctor, can't I help you some way. If you want 
any herbs, I always keep 'em. I lived on a farm "once. "^I always 
make catnip tea an' " penneroil " tea when my boy Jack gits sick. 

Doctor. Madam, I'm sorry to say that on\y'profcssionalsk\W 
can baffle this most dangerous and deadly disease. {Busies himseli 
making powders.) 

Mrs. M. Doctor, is it ketchin'.? 

Doctor. Excuse me, madam, I didn't understand. 

Mrs. M. Is it ketchin'.? 

Doctor. Madam, I an: glad to say that when fumigation is 
properly attended to the disease is not contagious. 

Mrs. M. Laws a me! How long is it before fumigation sets 
inf I wouldn't have Ephraim take it for twenty dollars. 

Doctor. Take one of these every ten minutes. {Displays on 



BORROWING TROUBLE. i8i 

table a large mimber of poxvdcrs done np in preposterously large pa- 
pers.) I will return in an hour. If anj thing happens in the 
meantime, let me know. 

Spoiejfi. (Aside.) I should expect something to happen if those 
powders are all taken. 

Sophy. Oh deah! if theh's anything I have an aversion to 
it's powders. 

Mrs. M. I can't bear them ! Oh, won't some one run to Eph- 
raim and say his Mehitable is dyin'.? 

Mr. B. We will do our best, sir, to follow your instructions. 
What is your theory of the cause of the disease.^ 

Doctor. Doubtless defective sewer-pipes! 

Mrs. W. Goodness, no! The pipes froze up last winter and 
haven't been connected since. 

Doctor. Then doubtless it is the hydrant water! 

Mrs. W. It aint that either, for / have a good -well for my 
lodgers. 

Doctor. (Annoyed^ Of course the immediate cause is some- 
thing the family have eaten. {Looks at table., lifts can of straw- 
berries triioripkajitly.) This explains it all I 

Lina. Doctor, I jes fotched dem berries in a few minutes ago, 
an' de family didn't have the smell of a single berry. 

Mrs. B. Doctor, we seldom eat fruit. We first tasted some- 
thing in the milk. 

Doctor. {Takes up milk pitcher.) Why, there is something in 
this milk. It looks yellowish. 

Li7ia. Well, I nebber hear of de like. 'Spect dat's my fault! 
Comin' up de stairs I dropped de mustard out of de castor into 
de milk, I was so hurried 1 teetotally forgot all about it. {All 
laugh except Sophy, Airs. M. and the Doctor.) 

Sophy. How perfectly disgusting! 

Mrs. M. It's a shame to treat visitors so, a downright shame. 
If Ephraim — 

Doctor. {To Borrow.) It's a trick, sir, a conspiracy to ruin 
my professional reputation. I'll make it a costly trick. My fee 
is fifty dollars, and the sooner it is paid the better for you, sir. 
{To Spotem.) And you, sir, are a party to this infamous piece of 
business. I wager your paper will make a rare display of head 
lines ovei' it. I'll prosecute you for libel, sir. 

Spotem. Sir, there is evidently some mistake here I was as 
ignorant as yourself of what has transpired here to-day. 

Doctor. Aren't you a reporter.? 

Spotem. Reporter! no; I am Detective Spotem, and seeing 
that you are through with your professional business, I will begin 
mine. Mr. Borrow, my business is with you. For some time 
you have been suspected of being in league with counterfeiters; 
yesterday a counterfeit $io bill was traced directly to you. You 
are my prisoner. ( Women scream.) 

Mrs. B. Oh, sir, my husband is innocent! 

Spotem. That he will have opportunity to prove. 



i82 BORROWING TROUBLE. 

Mrs. M. [Aside.) Well, I always thought these Borrows 
weren't what they ought to be. 

Mr. B. I borrowed the bill to which you refer. 

Sfotem. It is probable that a man in your circumstances 
would borrow a paltry $io bill. 

3/rs. W. He's a great borrower; he is indeed, sir; I can testify 
to that, besides I heard the queer gentlemen on the third floor 
say he loaned Mr. Borrow ten dollars. 

S-potem. That may do, but Detective Spotem don't hang all his 
clothes on one peg'. Do you know that coat, Mr. Borrow.? [Points 
to overcoat.) A man wearing that overcoat has been seen under 
very suspicious circumstances at various places, for several weeks 
back. Isn't that your coat.? 

Borroiv. I borrowed that from the gentleman on the third floor 

Mrs. W. From the queer gentleman! 

Spotem. Did you borrow everything you have.? 

Mr. B. Pretty much all. 

Spotem. And where is the queer gentleman.? 

Mrs. W. Left uncommon sudden a week ago! But he paid 
up like a gentleman. 

Spotem. Botheration! Vexation! Cretnalion! He's given me 
the slip again and my great case is ruined. {Tears leaf from his 
note book ajid sta7nps it.) 

Doctor. Give me your hand. You have my sympathies. 

Spotem. {Moodily.) What is sympathy to a man whose repu- 
tation is ruined.? 

Doctor. My professional reputation has received a very disa- 
greeable blow, but I'll see what a fee will do towards healing it. 
Mr. Borrow, my bill is just fifty dollars, terms cash. 

Mr. B. It strikes me that is a large fee for a man who can't 
tell the effects of mustai-d from those of Asiatic cholera. 

Doctor. {Excitedly.) What! do you mean to insult me.? I 
won't stand it! I'll have satisfaction. But I see you are a trifler! 
To get rid of this disagreeable business I'll make it twenty five. 

Borrow. Too much! 

Doctor. Fifteen then ! 

Borrow. That 's more reasonable. Mr. Spotem, will you oblige 
me with a small loan until to-morrow? I've remittances coming. 

Spotem. Good heavens! Doctor, come. {Seizes Dr. by t/ie 
arm.) This fellow would swamp our reputation with mortgages 
and then borrow money from us to lift them. [Drags Dr. out L.) 

Mr. B. This is quite an episode, my dear. 

Mrs. B. Oh, I'm so nervous ! I was frightened nearly to death ! 
Mr. Borrow, has it affected your stomach.? 

Mr. B. I believe not dear. I am spared for higher purposes. 

Sophy. It 's perfectly horrid. I shall not recover for a week. 
{Languishes.) 

Mrs. M. Law sakes, Mr. Borrow! you are the luckiest man 
alive. The Lord favors the righteous But I must go home. 
This '11 be iust the best kind of news for Ephraim. {Exit L.) 
CURTAIN. 



A FAMILY STRIKE. 

A spicy farce. iHustratino- ''.strikes," ,^ male and 2 female characters. Time 
20 mimites. 

LOUVA, THE PAUPER. 

A drama in five acts; 9 male and 4 female characters. Time, i ht)ur 45 min. 
Contains a t^ood Yankee character and a humorous darky character. This is 
an intensely interesting- and pathetic play. It admits of striking- scenic effects- 
and is a siro/ig' play for amateurs. 

TWO GHOSTS IN WHITE. 

A humorous farce based on boardins-^scliool iife ; 7 female characters. Time 
35 m. Abounds in ludicrous episodes. 

HANS VON SMASH. 

,\ roarinu- farce in a prologue and one act; 3 male and 4 female characters. 
Time, 30 min. Contains an excellent humorous Dutch character. 

THE ASSESSOR. 

A humorous sketch, illustratino- tlie difficulties of an assessor -in listino- the 
property of a tax-fisjhter; 3 male and 2 feniale characters. Time, 15 m. 

BORROWING TROUBLE. 

A ludicrous farce; 3 male and 4 female characters. Time, 30 m. Illustrates 
the very amusing- trials ot a borrowing family. 

THE PULL-BACK. 

A laug-hable farce; 6 female characters. Time, 20 min. Contains an ex- 
cellent old-fashioned, "old lady " character. Pictures her adventures ainong- 
the devotees of iashion. 

COUNTRY JUSTICE. 

A very amusing country law suit; S male characters. (May admit 14.) Time 
20 minutes. 

ON THE BRINK, 
Or, The Reclaimed Husband. 

A temperance drama in two acts; 12 male and 3 female characters. Time, 
1 hour, 45 m. Seven of the characters have unimportant parts, and some of the 
parts are so arranged that the same person may play two parts. Contains 
three humorous Yankee characters. A line play for amateurs. 

A PARLOR ENTERTAINMENT. 

A Sketch ; 2 male and 5 female characters. Time, 25 m. A good piece for 
younger boys and girls. 

Nc-vv plays will appear from time to time. Costiaiic-i furnished. Wig-, 
beards, masks, face paints, tableau lights, etc., at lowest rates. Parties de- 
siring full information, ple:-.se address us. 

T. S. DEN9SON, 

CHICAGO, ILL 



LIBKHKT U^ V.ununc.00 




At prices zvithin the reach of any y\'achcr and all 
School Boards. 



THE HOLBEOOK CONDENSING AIH-PUMP. 

The above Air- Pump, retailing at $9.00, is claimed to l)e superior 
(() those ordinarily retailing at ^20.00. 

1. It exhausts and condenses without any change of its parts, where 
o.\\ ordinary p;.mip, capable only of exhausting the air, costs j^20 alone; 
then ^8 extra must be paid for a condensing chamber; not only this, 
but the parts must be changed, and the pump is likely to get out of 
repair. 

2. Its exhausting power is at a maximum, the valves being light and 
its parts being so arranged that iw air remains under the piston to re- 
sist the raising of the exhausting valve by rarified air in the receiver 
The pump is thus mechanically /^;y>r/. 

3. No instructions accompany ordinary apparatus. The above pump 
is accompanied by a hand book, giving full instructions as to the p7-e.p- 
aration and manipulation of the apparatus in every experitnent. 

^. The entire outfit costs but ,$20, capable of performing 100 exper- 
iments; in the hands of an ingenious teacher, a greater number. An 
air pump alone usually costs $2^. 



LIST 



Holbrook Condensing Air Pump 

—extra brass — wurranud i?9 00 

Two stopcocks 2 50 

OncConnector Co 

Movable Receiver 75 

Two Singfle Nut Caps 8') 

Two Double Nut Caps 90 



Three feet ^i Rubber Tubinff... $1 00 
Band Sheeting^ and Thin Rub- 
ber Sheetinpf 70 

Book of Experiments and Ex- 
planations ot Apparatus 5° 

Bniss Plate 2 00 

% Gallon Bell Jar Receiver i 25 



All for $20. Carefully packed in a neat box. 



Address 



T. S. DENISON, 

Chicago, m. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



015 863 519 7 



